In which we have a Sarcastic Day of Thanksgiving

I should warn y’all that I am typing this on my phone whilst lying in bed in the dark, after taking two Benadryl, so things are about to get woozy over here.  It’s probably pretty stupid to attempt a blog post on an iPhone.

And now it’s the next day, because I realized it was indeed stupid to attempt a blog post on an iPhone when I was already exhausted and loopy on Benadryl.  So, hi, new day!

Yesterday, I was going to write about how a lot of people (including myself) are doing this  thing wherein they post something for which they are thankful in their status updates each day.  I like doing stuff like this.  I like focusing on the small things that are good, finding my own gratitude each day.  I do try, on Facebook, not to be obnoxiously husband or kid focused in my gratitude, because I have friends who don’t have husbands or don’t have kids and may or may not want those things, but I don’t want my 30 days of gratitude to be 30 Days of Lara-Bee Acting Like Her Life Is Perfect and Yours Is Not.  You know what I mean?

Except…yesterday, all of my gratitude was sarcastic.  It wasn’t even like i had that bad of a day, but I just couldn’t seem to find anything other than “cute toddler giggles” or something else obnoxious.  I mean, yeah, I was actually feeling grateful that Wilbur and I decided, and both agree, that this isn’t the right time for us to buy the lot and build the house we were THIS close to buying a couple days ago – but I didn’t want to give all the back story for that on FB.  And I guess I could have written my sarcastic gratefulness, but I also didn’t want to be the a-hole who couldn’t come up with something to be sincerely thankful for 5 days into the project.

So, my dear readers, I give to YOU: the various ways in which I was “thankful” (or: sarcastically thankful) yesterday.

(1) Today, I am thankful that my husband parked my car so close to the garage wall, promised me he’d move it, then didn’t, so that my fat butt and 22 weeks pregnant belly had to climb through the passenger side to get to the driver’s side.  Oh so very thankful!

(2) Today, I am thankful that my child has such a strong set of lungs and even stronger will that he will emit such an incredibly high pitched screech/scream when he doesn’t get his way that it actually physically hurts my ears.

(3) Today, I am thankful that the windows in our (very old) house are so poorly fitted and our heater is so inefficient that it is freaking freezing unless I lay next to a radiator.  And that radiator is on the first floor.

(4) Today, I am thankful that I donated all of our leftover Halloween Snickers bars to evacuees of Hurricane Sandy.  (I donated blankets and other more useful things, too – the candy was just extra).  Because I would really love one of those right now.

(5) Today, I am thankful that I have several working toilets and sinks, because what else would I vomit in with this STUPID PREGNANCY NAUSEA?

I feel like I have additional things for which I am sarcastically grateful, but I cannot remember them.

With that, I shall go determine something for which I can be actually, not sarcastically, thankful that also meets my requirements of not looking like a flaunting braggart.  Or maybe I’ll just trash the whole project.

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One Response to In which we have a Sarcastic Day of Thanksgiving

  1. cheryl says:

    how about thankful for a place to whine/vent/sarcast (a self-made single verb for acting sarcastically) freely and an audience who will listen/read and send positive cheer

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